Fighting Giants

"They returned from looking over the land after forty days.  And they came to Moses and Aaron and to all the people of Israel in the desert of Paran, at Kadesh. They brought news to them and to all the people, and showed them the fruit of the land.  They told Moses, “We went to the land where you sent us. It does flow with milk and honey. This is its fruit.  But the people who live in the land are strong. The cities have walls and are very large. And we saw the children of Anak there.  Amalek is living in the land of the Negev. The Hittites and Jebusites and Amorites are living in the hill country. And the Canaanites are living by the sea and by the side of the Jordan.”

 Then Caleb told the people in front of Moses to be quiet. And he said, “Let us go up at once and take the land. For we are well able to take it in battle.”  But the men who had gone up with him said, “We are not able to go against the people. They are too strong for us.”  So they brought the people of Israel bad news about the land they had spied out, saying, “The land we have gone to spy out is a land that destroys those who go there to live. All the people we saw in it are very large.  We saw the Nephilim there. (The sons of Anak are part of the Nephilim.) We looked like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.” Numbers 13:26-33

After 40 years of wandering in the wilderness, God brought his people to the land He had promised to give them. A land flowing with milk and honey. But when they sent a few of their men to spy on it, all the spies could see were the large men of the fortified cities, and out of fear to overtake them, they told the people the land will destroy them.

Giants can come in many forms. They can be physical and they can be psychological. I find myself fighting my own personal giants of all shapes on a daily basis these days. I've pleaded with God to allow us to adopt a little girl for years, and when He is finally pointing the way to get her, I'm faced with so many giants! "It costs so much, our home is so small, there's so much paper work, will we be able to handle her medical bills, will we be able to raise the funds, will our boys resent her for taking so much of my emotional energies, should we move and will God provide for all of these needs?" The list is added to each week it seems. I can get overwhelmed and have even asked myself if it's worth it.

We have found a way to be content with what we have and who we are as a family. Even our boys have learned to not compare their house or themselves to their friends who have more. Contentment is not a bad thing! In fact, we have strived for it. But it can become bad when we aren't willing to take risks and step out in faith that God will see us through what seems impossible if He is in fact leading us in a new direction. As we keep praying for confirmation along the way, God keeps affirming this decision with small answers. Like my breadcrumb analogy for choosing India, that is how God has been directing us with each step we take.

God directs our steps, but our fears can get in our way. We can see the obstacles and think, "sure that's a nice idea, but look what we have to overcome to have it! That looks too hard!" It's in that moment that our true enemy alarms his troops! He has his fear detectors placed on all our trigger spots in our minds. When one goes off, he is quick at work to feed lies to our inner thought life, just like the spies shared with the Israelite people. "That adoption thing IS WAY TOO MUCH MONEY!", "You know everyone will JUDGE you for asking for such funds just so you can have a daughter", "It will destroy your family dynamics!" These are just some thoughts I battle. I believe the psychological battle is much harder to overcome than the physical ones. I can outwardly decide to obey, and make the actions required of me, but I can't stop the inner battle quite as easily.

Here's the thing to remember with our so-called giants. They are only huge and impossible to us, but to God, they are nothing! When I allow the enemy to feed me lies, and I cave into them, I only miss out on the blessings God wants to give me! Pondering on those fears doesn't protect me from harm or add anything to my life. The only thing fear does is keep me in the wilderness, wandering the rest of my life without ever getting to experience the promises that God has already given me.

So today I am saying "NO" to those giants! I'm choosing to believe that God loves me and wants to bless me with His goodness! I'm choosing faith that if God says go, He will make the way clear. I'm saying yes to fighting those giants to get to our daughter because I believe God is leading us to her. And I'm saying yes to whatever else God wants to bless us with! I'm looking ahead fearless because I know I am a child of God!!!