Today we had a prayer covering at our church before heading off to pick up our girls! It's so hard to believe this day has finally come! I went back and read my first blog entry and saw the date posted was September of 2018! Just 3 months shy of being 3 years ago that we first announced we are adopting. But the adoption process really began 35 years ago, when I was just 11 years old. Wow!
I have to say, in this last year I have learned so much more about God's plan, His heart, and who I am to Him than I ever have in my entire life!!! It's like, every life lesson I ever received, and maybe some lessons that had gone over my head, all came together for this moment. A year ago, I'm not sure I could say I was ready to tackle this road of becoming a mother to two pre-teen girls overnight, but I not only feel ready now, I feel excited!!! I feel equipped! And it is truly because of what the Holy Spirit has been doing in my heart since May of 2020. God is soooo good and faithful.
Several months ago, I had a dream of an angel coming to my door to teach me how to fly. The next morning, I went to church and saw a lady wearing the same patched jean jacket and had the same dreadlock hair that my angel had. I kept looking at her in disbelief. Then our pastor asked people to pray over our teens, and she walked over and prayed for my son! I couldn't take my eyes off her, so when she finished praying, I leaned over and whispered in her ear "I dreamed you were an angel and you came to my house and taught me how to fly". Her immediate response to this was to pray! I can't fully explain what happened, but my heart squeezed. I began to sob; heaving sobs! Something I don't easily do! I don't even cry easily. That day began an unlocking of things stuck in me from years past! And what I eventually learned is that I did not fully know the love God has for me. I thought I did. Over the next months, through dreams, visions, scripture, and more connections with the body of Christ, God revealed where satan had planted lies in my heart and mind and kept me from knowing the full power of the Holy Spirit I had been given. I've been a christian since I was 14, but I had not lived with the full reality of what that means until this year. I now know that my sin is nailed on the cross Jesus bore for me, and that means my identity is no longer a sinner! I am redeemed! And I am no longer obligated to sin because I am no longer cursed! The more I embrace this reality that Jesus paid for, the more free I am to love without fear of rejection. I'm free to speak truth boldly because of "whose" I am!
This same spiritual awakening has been happening in our family. Some more than others, but a shift is happening in each of us. My prayer three years ago was for God to prepare us for our daughter or daughters. I'll be honest, in the beginning, I did not think we would really be matched to two. As we began to say yes, the yeses grew bigger! And I am learning more and more that this trip overseas to get our two girls is only the beginning of more yeses!!! Since we have said yes to these girls, I have had several prophetic words from multiple people, unaware of each other's words, that God holds these two close to his heart and has a special plan for their lives. As this reality is setting in, I feel overwhelmed and humbled that He has chosen our family to equip them. A holy fear rests on me as I do not take this assignment lightly.
Another thing I have learned is that the timing for us to adopt had more to do with our readiness to say yes than God's timing to open doors. I always believed I was willing, but the truth is, I was willing if God threw a baby on my lap! We always had excuses of why we weren't ready, and there is truth to that. But the truth is that we weren't ready to walk it out by faith. We weren't ready, or had the bandwidth of understanding, to believe that God would provide all that was needed to do what He was calling us to do.
While I have grieved that we didn't learn this lesson sooner and have gotten more years with our girls, I am grateful that we did finally learn and are now getting them. I trust that he will help us navigate through our new relationships. To learn each other and help us bond, one day at a time. Now we know that it is God's love that equips us for all things!
Let me close this post with this... if God has planted a seed in your heart, don't let it sit on the countertop where it cannot grow! Maybe your seed is not adoption, but it's to start a new business, invent something, be a missionary, record an album, or something else. Whatever it is, say yes first to God with no 'but's' or 'if's'! Then take the first steps forward and believe God to provide the next steps because of your act of obedience. If you have accepted the gift of God's Son to pay for your sins, then you are already fully equipped with the same spirit that raised His son from the grave!
"What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?... Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?... No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." Romans 8:31,35,37